nurturing my tangible world*

taproot magazine

I received a copy of Taproot from my friend Amanda (editor of magazine) in the mail the other day and it couldn't have arrived at a more perfect time. I cherish those serendipitous moments when a loved one in your life connects to you in a cosmic way without conscious intention. Like this morning when I was looking out my upstairs bedroom window, watching the ripples of the water in the bay and imagining they were reaching my friend Jessamyn whom I miss achy so. And in that moment I heard my phone buzz with the words "Just have you on my mind..." and it was her.  Sweet Synchronicity.

Taproot magazine embodies the intention I am putting towards my life right now: "Living Fully, Digging Deeper".  Let me share an excerpt from the publisher Jason Miller that says so much of what I am wanting to cultivate in my life:

"People are taking stock of what's really important in life.  They're reviving skills of their grandparents like gardening and canning, sewing and knitting.  They're meeting neighbors and creating community.  These are real skills, both personal and interpersonal and they happen offline, in the tangible world.  They happen in a place.  People are saying the time for rootlessness is over; I'm ready to plant myself here, come what may."

Oh yes, that is it.  "Tangible World".  That is where I have been.  Reconnecting with a tangible world or moreso, retraining my brain and heart to pour my focus into what surrounds me with less time online.  I have no idea how to garden or can or knit but I am opening up space and time in my life to begin learning.  And when I put that intention out there, I was blessed with the possibility.  My dear friend Julia, who was my next door neighbor when we first moved here, is a farmer and I have asked her if she could come over and teach me how to plant vegetables this Spring.  My other friend Annie, who also used to be my next door neighbor, has asked me to come and knit with her on Wednesdays.  I have only picked up knitting needles once in my life 15 years ago and I gave up after a few tries.  I am more patient in my life now.  And I have more of a yearning.  And I am creating time to be more still.  I am ready.

I am drinking in this magazine like a thirsty woman needing to hydrate.  It feels like every page, every article, photo, quote, recipe...just the whole of it speaks to what I am wanting to create in my life.

Kale has been a huge part of our diet lately and I love it raw but I know not everyone does.  There is an article by Cynthia Lair about massaging kale with sea salt to help take the bitterness out.  I had not yet heard of this trick!  So for 2 minutes I massaged my freshly chopped curly kale with some sea salt and it worked.  My kale salad was AMAZING.

{chopped and massaged kale, diced honey crisp apples, diced red cabbage, roasted pumpkin & sunflower seeds, dried cranberries tossed with a small dollop of poppy seed dressing}

A few weeks ago I had an opportunity to participate in this amazing ecourse with a tribe of SOUL~full, POWER~full women.  It was going to be a big commitment and I knew it was going to require much of my energy and time.  It spoke to so many parts of me.  Especially the need to share my gifts with the world and to touch people's lives in a healing way.  It spoke to the Creatrix in me.  It spoke to the power I know I have within me to launch something extraordinary and life altering.  But there was this deep resistance that had nothing to do whether or not I believed I was capable of this.  I knew I  was.  We all are.  But it was more about timing and the simplicity I have been craving.  It was about my family that needed me to be more present.  It was about me knowing I am changing and still in the process of relearning who I am and what I am passionate about now.

Most importantly it was about my health and the health of my boys.  Since living with toxicity in our walls in Southern California, our immune systems have been a bit off.  This winter we have been sick with flu's and colds non-stop as one person gets it, heals and gives it to another and the cycle continues.  At first it was disheartening because I feel I feed my family well and we live in a seaside village with fresh air to fill our lungs.  I had a week or so of feeling depressed about it.  We had come from a home that contributed to illness and I wondered if we had entered into another one.  I really took it on and felt I wasn't doing enough.  When the opportunity to do this ecourse came into my life and I needed to decide where my energy would go, it was then that it became clear to me.  If I have the power to create a legacy with my passions and creativity, then I have the power to help heal my family and in order to fully dive into all the parts of me that make me ME, I need to be well and so do my boys.  The shift from feeling dis-empowered to empowered felt invigorating!

So, I dedicated this year to the year of WELLNESS for my family.  Sort of a continuation of the path I have already set before me but just more of a confirmation that I am going in the right direction.  Just the idea that I am able to focus on nothing else but wellness, released a weight on my shoulders of trying to be ALL things.  I can fill my days with self care and care for my boys and that is enough right now.  And when my body feels healed and my energy returns ten fold, I know opportunities will open up for me, as so will more energy.

Self care to me right now is being really mindful while preparing and eating nourishing foods.  Making time to move my body more (yoga, long walks, dancing).  Creating a beautiful, simple and stress free environment in my home.  Learning to garden both veggies and flowers.  Meditation and prayer.  Setting aside time to connect with souls that see me and nourish my spirit.  Being present for my boys and my family.  Opening myself up to my tangible community.  My energy needs to be nowhere else for now and the permission I gave myself to do this allowed me to feel UNSTUCK from any pressure to do more.  My ecourse, my book and all else that is on the horizon for me is not going away and doing those things, while feeling WELLNESS in my bones will help me to stay more in an authentic space surrounding it all.

Its not easy to go back to the ways of living more simply and quietly when most of the people in my life are rocking their creative passions and building inspiring businesses online (and offline).  The urge to compare can at times bring on not enoughness or loneliness or even a sense of being forgotten.  But those are the moments I have to breathe and remember what is in front of me, what is tangible and what is in alignment with what I am needing right now in my life.  I can honor, celebrate and support my friends but I don't have to be doing what they are doing to be fulfilled.  I have always needed and wanted to follow my own heart and stay authentic to who I am and what I need.

And I am hoping this guy will learn from all of this the importance of listening to your heart and carving out your own path regardless of what is going on around you...