my dread journey: transformation ~ welcoming softness {part two}

shortly after i cut my dreads

cedar processing the loss and pretending to cut them. ; )

goodbye precious beauties of all tones, shapes and sizes. you hold so many stories and magic.

the products (details below)

cedar helping mama brush out a dread

mmmm...softness. taken last week. a bit more has been brushed out since.

cedar and me in vancover, b.c. last weekend. you can see how long my hair is even though the dreads were cut to my shoulder or above. when your hair is dreaded, it shrinks up in length.

Days have been moist with grayish tones in these parts lately. The sun will come out for a few minutes to remind us of what is to come and quickly hide beneath the mist. This morning the sun came out and shortly after our second snow of the season began to fall. In this moment as I sit up in our bed, snuggled in the sheets, looking out the bedroom window, I can see the snowflakes getting larger by the fall. Its so romantical to me. We are not used to Winter's permission to cocoon having lived in Southern California for 10 years. This time of cocooning has been full of so much transformation for my wee family.

Just as I am moving slowly and mindfully and simply in my life these days, I am doing the same with my dreadlocks. Brushing them out has been a very slow and mindful process. I didn't really know how long it was going to take. I didn't have much of a plan. I know some people just get to it and keep brushing until they are all smooth, a few days later. But for me, my life with a toddler that requires me to be fully engaged doesn't lend for that kind of time. So, I've been doing one or two during the evening when he is asleep. Most days just one because they take about an hour to an hour and a half to finish. I pick them out slowly and gently for less damage. There have been times when I let almost a week go by because I needed a break from it. As soon as I started to feel impatient, I took some time off. Because I want this process to be a peaceful one. And I want it to mean something...to be a ritual of letting go of what does not serve me and keeping close what does.

I started with 40 dreadlocks. I think I am down to 25. When I do it, I choose one on each side of my head to keep the loose parts even in the front. So I am moving from front to back. Right now the sides of my head are completely loose and I am going to start with the back of my head tomorrow but will do the top part of the back first.

I thought I was going to have a few friends help me. A handful of beautiful souls have offered but I am finding myself wanting to do it alone. I also have a certain way of picking them out that is working, so I worry that it would be hard for others to emulate. Part of me wonders if this is a control issue I am having or if it is more my inner self knowing this ritual is something I need to do for me. I am not sure yet. I do know that if a friend is over and I am feeling it, I will most definitely try to have them join in. I know since I am doing it alone, it is why it is taking so long. My husband would do it but since his job is designing on a computer all day, the last thing his already sore wrists and arms need is to brush out one of my dreads. It all works out perfectly.

I have noticed that my boys are cuddling up to me more. As I said in my video, they both have sensitive skin, so were unable to snuggle me and my head for too long before red bumps or rashes appeared on their skin. This is part of why I am craving softness, although not the whole of it. But an important part. I love how Cedar's been laying his head on my shoulder for much much longer these days. I marinate deep in those moments.

As each dread is released, I am feeling lighter and more weightless. My head hitting the pillow at night feels more freedom to roll about and sink into its softness. I have less headaches and neck aches. In a deeper sense, emotionally right now I am rising out of some old patterns in my life that were not healthy for me and I know this ritual has been part of that. This transformation to softness so much confirms the gentleness I am wanting to attract into my life. It is all becoming so clear to me.

More on that later. Here is what most of you have been writing and asking me about...

Boho's Dreadlock Removal Ritual:

• In the late morning, I soak the one or two dreads I want to brush out in a big bowl of warm water for as long as I can handle it. 10 minutes is ideal but I soak them realistically for about 5 minutes.
• I then wash those dreads in the sink with Knotty Boy Dread Removal Shampoo and rinse.
• I pour a quarter size dollop of Knotty Boy Dread Conditioner in my palm and work it into my dread and root.
• When the dread dries (which for me is by evening), I sit on my couch or the floor in front of a mirror and begin picking with the comb that came with the Knotty Boy Dread Removal Kit (I hear Dreadhead HQ's Dread Zasta and their comb is awesome too).  I start from the bottom of the dread and finish up at the root.  The root is the most sensitive part.
• I like to pull the dread apart first before picking.  Its not really a brushing motion.  The brushing motion seems to damage it more.  I just pick and pull out the hairs and I brush the dread at the end when I am all finished.  You will find a lot of gook in them, which is product that was left inside the dread probably from not rinsing them well enough.  Its a bit groovy to see what comes out.  ; )
• When I am finished, I treat the hair that has been brushed out with a few Shea Moisture organic all natural products.  I start with shampooing with Shea Moisture Organic Raw Shea Butter Moisture Retention Shampoo.  Then after rinsing, I apply the Shea Moisture Organic Raw Shea Butter Deep Treatment Masque and leave in for about 10 minutes.  Once rinsed and lightly towel dried, I apply Shea Moisture Coconut & Hibiscus Curl and Hold Smoothie to retain my curl and bring bounce back.
• All of these tips were inspired by watching this gorgeous diva's video.  Although she used Dreadhead products.  I wanted to but they took too long to ship.  I am happy with Knotty Boy.

While picking/brushing the dread, strands and clumps of hair come out and by the time you are done, you have a big ball of hair to throw out.  Which I hear is normal because we lose hair every day but if its been locked in a dread for years, all of that excess hair needs to be released.  It was an odd feeling at first because my hair seemed thinner and a different texture.  Once I washed and conditioned it, it felt a lot more like my hair but I know its going to take time for it to be more nourished.  I have patience. ; )

It does feel wavier/curlier than it used to.  Which is fun and playful.  And I have really enjoyed wearing hats that I was unable to wear with dreads!

jammy~jams, belly teas and cuddles*

I am sitting here tucked into the corner of my fabric covered couch with the filtered light from the clouds outside the window warming my cheeks. I know I promised a continuation post from my previous dread-cutting-brushing video but the Universe had other plans. We all caught a few local buggies going around town. First a chest cold and then a stomach flu. As much as there are many reasons it is hard when everyone in the house is sick at the same time, there is also something a bit romantic about it. We're given this permission to stay in our jammy-jams all day and snuggle on the couch for hours at a time and let the chores go just for a few days. We curl up and read or watch films we'd otherwise not make time for. Each of us taking turns at being nurses for one another. Then we are forced at times to be utterly selfless. When all you want to do is lay in bed under the covers, there are others more in need that you must tend to. Its a practice in love, absolute utter love.

With all of this slowing down, I have done almost nothing with my short nubbed out dreadlocks. I have only been able to brush out 10 of them in the front. I am brushing from the front to the back. My head has been achy for about a week with both bugs hitting me hard, so I needed to leave it alone. But most importantly, I really want to be in a space of feeling present and with full intention when I brush them out one by one...because it is all part of the journey for me. A way to savor. That is my word for "slow" these days as I have always known I go about things slowly. And at times in the past, it was made into something wrong about me by myself or others. Now I just embrace that I love to savor what is in front of me.

I will continue with my dread journey in the next post but until then, here are a few images of the last few days that I wanted to share...

Oh how I wish I looked THIS cute after I vomited...

What happens when you mix long hair with a remote controlled flying helicopter...

So, note to self...when playing with helicopter, wear Cedarbun...

And...my phone broke to pieces and I didn't have it for a few weeks but felt so blessed to find out we were able to upgrade to a iPhone 4S! But look at my yummy new bamboo Deer cover from Grove...{sigh}...

{thank you to Sus for guiding me to Grove. she is my go to friend for gorgeous gadgets}

my dread journey :: transformation ~ welcoming softness

This video was recorded last week. I needed some time to marinate before I shared with the world beyond these four walls the steps I was about to take on my dread journey. When a transformation is about to begin and we are still moving through the vulnerable parts, other people's opinions or attachments to our choices can cause need for more reflection. This is why I chose to do this more quietly. Which is the space I have been dwelling in for a while now; quiet, inward, meditation, listening. I am remembering the importance of living just to live in the present moment while practicing letting go of that need to be seen and validated in those moments. I am really honoring finding my self worth from within rather than from what others feel about me.

All this to say, I have been walking with this transformation for about a week now and it is in such alignment with this path I am on of not needing to create a big or bold statement with my choice. I am just moving slower these days. Quieter. Softer. Gentler. And as my hair has so often been an expression of where I am at in my life, this choice feels so good and true. I will share more details about the next phase of this transformation in my next blog post this week.

A couple of things...

• The sound is off with the movement of my lips. Not sure why. Ah well.
• Its really long. Like 19 minutes long and I cut out a lot. Was feeling chatty. ; )
• Pictures to follow very soon in the next post. For those of you that are unable to watch the video, my next post will get into more detail about this decision.
• Links for products and videos will be in next post as well.
• Lots of "ummm" goin' on between thoughts. ; )

raven locks*

me & cedar a few hours ago, taken with palm pre phone

This is the darkest my hair has ever been.  Had to get a shot of it for posterity.  My friend colored it last night.  I especially love this photo because I am giving Cedar a forced cuddle to get the shot for my family and friends to send on their phone.  He just wants to be playing in the puddles...not snuggling his mama.  Most of the times he will pose but not when there are huge pools of water to splash in.  We weren't prepared for the downpour of rain today.  So we got soaked and you can see tiny beads of raven tinted drops all over my head.

I am still trying to get used to having raven dreadies.  I might now explore having one indigo and one purple colored one.  I feel like it looks sort of vixen-ish.  Boho Boy agreed.  Why not spice it up!

new threads*

My sister Dar was in town this week. She is a crafty goddess. It all comes natural to her (me...well, i have to work at it). When I told her about my circle of dread sisters and their ideas on how to adorn their dreads, she was inspired. Off to the craft store we went and I got to pick out all these pretty colors of embroidery thread. It was like a candy store. I could have taken them all home but I'm not really wanting a rainbow head. ; ) Just splashes of color here and there and a few that really stand out. I tried to get colors that went with the tones of my hair...except one green one. I heart green. My walls will tell you so.

I wanted to share a few pictures of it with you. A few with them up and one with them down, so you can see how they lay.

She took an embroidery needle (they are big) and after pulling the thread through the eye of the needle, she poked it in and out at the root of my dread and then criss-crossed the thread all the way down to where the knots stop (i have loose hair at the ends). Then she knotted it at the bottom but also closed it tight with a small black rubber band. I am curious how long they will stay in. I will have to be gentle when I wash my hair.  I was in need of some nourishing girl pamper time.  She made me feel like a medieval goddess.

Our time together was full of warmth and laughter.  She once taught preschool and elementary, so it is so inspiring to watch her interact with Cedar on the floor.  I learned a lot from her and so did he.  Within a few days, he was saying new words.  I also noticed he is a lot more animated in her presence.  He loves to entertain:  Throws his arms about while giving a speech, makes as many facial expressions as he can so we will laugh at him, uses objects as microphones to pretend he is on stage talking into them, also uses objects and pretends they are phones and while he chats away, he throws his head back in laughter.  Does mommy do that?  He must have got it from somewhere.  ; )

Darlene was often tackled with hugs and smothered with kisses.  I so adore that he is warmly affectionate...with humans, animals and stuffed animals.  She shares a bit about her time in our home on her blog here.  It means so much to have her here helping with Cedar so I could do things I normally wouldn't.  I really desire to be very present with him during our days...especially as he is sponging everything in around him.  So, sometimes laundry and cleaning take a back seat until nap time or when daddy comes home.  Dar gave me the freedom to work about the house.  Also, it was just so wonderful to have company.  I've been feeling lonely lately for in person friendship.  I know this will be more available to me when we move but right now, it's a bit rough.  My cup feels full.

{for the 94 of you that were not chosen by random.org for Keri Jioras's CD, my friend Brooke is having a giveaway on her blog here!}

groovy grooves*

self portrait today with phone {a photo i took for a dear friend that just got dreads and needed reassurance that bumps and grooves are an everyday part of them}

this is how my life feels right now.  a little bumpy and loopy and frayed.  this is why my dreadlocks parallel my life in a beautiful, messy way.  ; )

i am having a wee bit of computer issues.  hence...the lack of posting and spilling.  i recorded a long, heart soaked vlog for all of you today and when i replayed it, i sounded like i was sitting in a closet with cotton in my mouth.  i think i cried.  well, okay i admit, i DID cry because i really wanted you to hear it.  so i will try to share again what i felt inspired to share in that moment.  it might not look the same but it will be what is supposed to be sent out into the world, i must trust.

i've had two weeks of emotional upheavally days (yes, just made up that word) with sweet, dear cedar...and his deep need to express himself, along with his frustration that he is unable to do it fully with words.  so i shared about it in a very raw and vulnerable way on the vlog i recorded this morning while he was napping.  it felt so HEALING to get it out there and release.  then he woke up and was in such a soft, cuddly, present mood with me.  our day was pretty stellar.  i took him on a nature walk and there was so much connectedness between us.  i honestly believe it was because he could feel my release of worry for him and my trust in the process and his sensitive soul opened up more space for us.  when my husband came home tonight, i couldn't stop talking about our wonderful day (because for the last two weeks, he came home to a weepy, exhausted, emotional wife).

i thought i was losing it yesterday. today i felt so centered and present and patient and alive.  motherhood is beautiful lumpy bumpy ride, man...with lots and lots of groovy grooves.

i am posting the video anyways, for those of you that have earphones and can turn up your volume loud enough to perhaps gather a few words.  ; )  just so i don't feel it was completely for naught.

one year dreadiversary*

one year dreadiversary, canon 50d ~ august break #11

look at all the twisties, twirlies and bumpies (and i just noticed that i need more 
beads on the other side.  i rarely look at the back of my head!)

As of August 1st, my dreadies were one year old.

I took these photos for all of you yesterday...the day after I washed them.  The few days following me washing my dreads, they have a lot of fly-aways and are a bit more fuzzy than usual.  I thought it is still important that I photograph this part of the process.  I always joke with my husband that I look like a wet dog during those few days.  ; )

Sitting in that chair with the dread goddess, Stephanie at Akemi Salon feels like yesterday.  It was such an emotionally full time for our wee family.  The following day after getting my dreads in Portland, we went to visit Cedar's birth parents for the first time since birth.  He was 9 months old.  Perhaps some of you remember.

I felt so wrapped up on that day.  My family and my lovelies sent me off to Portland with wishes and dreams and strength and courage.  I was joined at the salon by my dear talented friend Amy Seeley, who sat on the vintage sienna couch near where Stephanie was twisting and knotting and infusing my hair with magic and faerie dust.  Here we all are in this photo mid-way through the process...

Don't you just love Cedar's shell-shocked face?  Like..."what the heckity heck is my mommy doing with her soft hair?"  Later, Amy soothed Cedar with a private concert in her home, playing her piano and singing to us songs from her upcoming album.  He was so crushed out.  Especially when she let him sit on her lap and pound the piano keys.  ; )

This journey has been so dear to my heart.  It is obviously not just a hair-do to me and I think most people that go on a dread journey would say that.  So much of the process of my hair beginning to dread on its own, paralleled my fertility journey.  At first the strands were so tightly wound with expectations and then slowly, very very slowly,  they began to unravel and unfurl and let go and loosen.  Through it all there were so many fears of how they would turn out and disappointments.  Finally I began to see it all clearly as each of them found a home on my head and I came to a place of acceptance and embraced the curves and bumps and fly-aways as part of the whole of what my dreadlocks are.  The whole of what and who I am.

Journeys are messy and beautiful and full of being broken and put back together and rediscovering who we are and finding our center through it all.

Since I sat in that chair a dozen or more people connected via my blog or my friends have sat in Stephanie's chair and I received those panic emails after a month or two, just like the phone calls I made to Stephanie.  "Are they supposed to look like this?  Like a bag lady who hasn't washed her hair in months?  What are these bumps?  I have so many fly away strands! Are they coming undone?" 

In her gentle voice, she would always respond to me..."Oh, they are so perfect, Denise.  They are just where they need to be in this very moment."  She is the Zen Priestess of Dreadlocks, that woman and totally gets the parallels of dreadlocks and life.

So I have embraced the idea of letting them do their dance.  I don't do any maintenance myself.  I don't crochet them.  I don't put gel or wax on them and because of this, they are a bit wild and free where as those that tend to maintenance them on a daily basis have perfectly tight locks.

I did do maintenance once in Portland when I was there to support a friend...

jess, sara, me and steph at akemi salon after first maintenance appt.

I may go again next year to see Steph.  I remember thinking  I would want Stephanie to start from the beginning and tighten them up as they were that first day but when I sat down and looked at them in a new light and saw how teary and proud she was, I realized I loved them just as they were and she only did a few touch ups.  Since then, I went to two other people, who were lovely women but it just wasn't the same spiritual experience and they ended up being too tight for me.  But the photo I showed Stephanie when I sat in her chair that first day was of a woman that had loose, flowy locks with strands of hair free from the knots and very loose curly ends and long un-dreaded bangs.  This is how Stephanie wore hers when she had them and she said those are her absolute favorite to create.  I remember her response was "Oh you are so my girl!"

I do put smelly goods on them and conditioning sprays for the days where they feel a bit too dry.  I wash them once a week, sometimes once every two weeks if I haven't been swimming or at the beach or getting dirty at all.  I think because my hair is so thick and there is so much of it, that I am able to go longer without washing than those with thinner hair.  My hair has always been like that growing up.

I will say the hardest part of this process for me has been how my scalp has responded.  Since my hair is so, so heavy, the weight of the dreads irritate my scalp and has caused some flakeage.  I also think I sometimes don't fully wash out my dread shampoo, which can add to the itching.  This apparently is very typical and one way to help sooth is rubbing tea tree oil through the scalp or spraying it with peppermint spray.

Here are the products I use:

Knotty Boy Green Tea Conditioning Spray (to keep them soft and smelling fresh)
Knotty Boy Peppermint Cooling Moisture Spray (for itchies and irritated scalp)
Knotty Boy Dread Shampoo (this works better for my head than DreadHead shampoos or Dr. Bronners...but every head is unique).

I haven't yet gotten as creative with my hair as I had dreamed.  Perhaps because I have a little toddler boy that holds my attention most of the day.  But I would like to spend some time playing with up-do's and headbands and flowers and long strands of fabric/ribbon tied into my hair.  I do wear beads all the time but I take them out at night because I can't sleep with them (most people leave them in).  My beads come from all over the place online and from friends.  If you do a search on Etsy for "dread beads", you will find so many handmade beauties.  I also love the wooden flower beads at Knotty Boy.  Etsy also has gorgeous hats for dreads if you do a search.

Well, I hope this helps as MANY of you have asked me to write about my dreads for months now and I wanted to wait until my One Year Dreadiversary to celebrate and answer them.

Here is another pic I took with my phone the other day before washing.  You can see how they are a bit tighter than the images above.

If I haven't answered all of your questions, do ask in the comments and I will answer in the comment section as well.

Blessings on the journeys of all of you dreadies to be...xoxox

violet red.

cedar & me today

me & a birdie today at the wild animal park

My friend Lisa colored my hair yesterday. Violet Red. I love the way that sounds..."violet red". Mmmmm. I needed a change. A bit of spice oh so nice. And my has it worked. Today I wore tighter clothes and flirted with my husband. I thought I had forgotten how to flirt. It all came back.

Note to self: take better care of me and wear clothes that show the curves.

I am on the road to nurturing myself, loving me for me and flirting with the idea that I am enough. As is. Will you join?

Roar.

{I hear a collective roar from all of you lovely ladies out there. do something yummy for YOU this weekend}

p.s. i found out that i am a bird whisperer today. this sweet birdie didn't want to leave me and i fell in love. ; )

dreadie french braids.

me & my braids, taken with phone

I finally found a sweet spirit here locally that does dreadlock maintenance. After a few hours of girly chatter and crocheting my dreads, she taught me a few fun styles. These french braids (above) was one of them. I tried it myself the other day and wanted to share the fun with you.

So, if anyone is in the Southern California area and would love to get crocheted dreads and/or maintenance, Amber can be your girl! She's SO adorable and fun and comes with awesome stories about living in Los Angeles and socializing with the Hollywood peeps.

I absolutely adore my friend and dread goddess Stephanie, but I can't always fly to Portland to get them prettied. I am trying to organize a dreadie mama weekend getaway in Portland soon, though.

I am working on my photos and post about Bellingham. I caught a wee bit of a sore throat/head cold and needed to lay low today. I am longing to share it with all of you and process it here in this space. Soon, soon...

our dreadie love fest in portland.

jess, sara, me & stephanie (the dread goddess) at akemi salon in portland

steph & jess...these women teach me so much

cousin mary on akemi's couch

steph studying sara's dreads

steph crocheting sara's beauties

the janssen family on tour

steph crocheting my hair

jess & me snuggling on steph's couch with the dread kitty (at her home)

the hauntingly romantic and gorgeous home of the dread goddess

jess & steph at a bakery/cafe

clockwise bottom left: jess, steph, cousin mary & megan at mississipi station
for lunch post dread appt.

and here is my result...

amy seeley & me at The Farm Cafe for dinner post dread appt.

We all surfaced from this weekend with hearts that shifted, expanding wider and deeper and softer. I was exhausted on the plane ride home. But a good exhausted. The kind when you're replaying over and over scenes from the last few days in your head and there is too much excitement to sleep. Even though my head was pounding, I had a smile on my face as I gazed out the window at the rainy clouds beneath the wing. The belly of my heart felt full of all of the soulfood that these women fed me and I was in something that felt like a soulfood coma. You know what I mean?

Perhaps it is a blessing that the dear ones in my life do not live near me. Blessing in a sense that when I do gather with them, my senses are heightened and I soak in every word droplet and story and heart spilling and I hold their hands and walk arm in arm and snuggle them close and don't take a single second for granted. Perhaps if I saw them every day, I wouldn't notice all the teeny tiny beautiful details as I do when we have these gatherings (or perhaps I would). I suppose I am going there in my head because most of the time I feel sad living away from my buds but if I shift my perspective to the blessings of those small but amazingly precious moments, then I'll feel more grateful than sad.

Over the course of a few days, so much of what happened during the dreadie love fest was not in the original plan but it ended up unfolding so beautifully. We were all in such an open and relaxed head space that whatever came our way just made sense, because we allowed the moment to teach us.

Jessamyn was the one that found us a place to stay. It would be at her cousin Mary's grandmother's home (who was on vacation). When I arrived, I met Cousin Mary (this is what I named her) at the airport for the first time and when I first laid eyes on her, she felt so familiar. She came over and hugged me good and I was immediately charmed. Within a few minutes, we were snuggling around granny's kitchen table, followed by a few hours of tears, talking through some hard things, trying to find our center...together...three women living different lives, with similar values and helping one another to stand in our integrity.

The same circle of love followed us into the salon the next morning. We walked in to find Stephanie (the dread goddess) lighting incense for us, with her wide gorgeous eyes, squealing "do you know how long I've been looking forward to this?? I hope you guys don't mind that you're stuck with me all day when the appointments are done!" I loved that she planned her day with us. Again...there were hugs and hearts spilled on her vintage couch and tears and wisdom shared.

Do you know that feeling of walking around with an expanded heart? A feeling of calm and openeness? But also a buzz of excitement and connection and like something bigger is happening here? Like...we were all brought together to learn something, to walk away from this weekend changed? This is how it felt. That buzz. Each of us felt it and acknowledged it.

Then in walks Sara Janssen...a dear blog friend, whom I've connected with via email and also am collaborating on something with. We were not sure if she was going to make it, as her family is on tour. She immediately felt like a kindred to each of us (while we ran our fingers through her delicious dreads within minutes of her arriving).

Then close to the end, in walks Megan, Cousin Mary's roommate from college...and we all hopped in our cars and gathered at Stephanie's house, which was surreal in and of itself. Such an ethereal haven of magic and mystery in every room. We then ventured out and walked through puddles and in the rain to lunch, where as you see in the second to last photo above, there was some much needed laughter and release.

Later that night we met with my dear yummy friend Amy Seeley...whose music has torn apart and put together our hearts. This new gathering of souls felt harmonious with what the hours prior had already cultivated. We first sat near a fire place to have some pretty drinks before dinner and immediately cut to the chase about where our hearts were.

Each one of these women are hardly into surface talk and perhaps that is why the gatherings felt so deep and intense but marvelous and soul shifting.

Definitely a Ya Ya essence and it is why I can wait. I can wait and weather the long periods of time I don't spend with my girlfriends because it truly only takes a few minutes to get right into the good stuff and reconnect and refuel and create memories that linger with me during those lonely moments away from them.

I am learning to trust the unfolding of these gatherings. Trust that when all is aligned there will be a balance of intensity and lightness, the Yin & Yang of personalities that as women in friendships, we all crave the balance of.

I think why I am reflecting and reveling so much in this is that this past year, I have really come to a place of not having expectations when gathering with women and friends. I know each of us as women (and men) crave deep and easy connections but sometimes, when we force these, it can be hard and hurtful or dissapointing. I felt aware of this revelation while at Squam this year; that when I let go of trying, connections happened more naturally and with ease. I observed this in my own life and also became aware by observing others going through it as well. Now I wonder if because I am letting go of expectations surrounding this, that I am attracting what I need within my life surrounding friendships.

dreads...three months.

self portrait, canon 50d

I was just sharing with a friend the other day that the process of my dreadlocks loosening, fraying, filling in the spaces, stretching, breaking, opening...is such a metaphor for my journey...of me, really.

They've been on my head for three months...but the movement and meaning behind it all has been there so much longer.

It is not at all just a hair do to me.

dread journey continued...

photo by thea coughlin at squam art workshops

I get so many sweet endearing emails about dreamy dread heads to be...or already dreaded peeps asking me what product I put on my dreads or what my maintenance is. There are also these really cool dreadlock Flickr groups where we reach out to strangers and ask one another such things and support one another through this wild journey of knotted hair.

Yet there are some out there that don't have blogs, Flickr or Facebook accounts and this is why I wanted to share my story here, for those folks and also for those that are closet dread heads where no one in your life has any idea you desire these locks for your own head. You're that person working in an office with button up shirts and ties or Banana Republic suits but meanwhile you wish to walk in with knotted hair smelling like patchouli and lighting incense in your cubicle. ; ) Trust me...I was that girl once. This is for you too.

And for that darling anonymous commenter that continues to tell me on a weekly basis how boring and annoying my dread posts or dread photos are, need I remind you that this is my Dread Journey and this is my journal to which I share my life. Which means I will share about it here just like I shared my Fertility & Adoption journeys. That will include photos. Just like all the other dread head blogs I have been reading in the past. I longed for recent photos and details of their journeys. It helped inspire me and gave me strength and bravery for when I decided to take the leap. So, if it bores or annoys you, you might want to just stop reading because I will continue to do this with hopes to help others along the way the same way I was helped. I find those comments so odd (and I don't give them an ounce of energy, really) because it would be like me going into your home, opening up your journal and telling you to write something different. Funny how we would never do that in person but in this public space, hiding under anonymity, people feel more free to spread their negative opinions about you.

And I suppose this opens up an opportunity for me to give a shout out to that other anonymous commenter that continues to tell me on a weekly basis that I am not paying enough attention to my husband as I always talk about Cedar and my relationship with my son. My husband and I actually giggle at these comments, mainly because there is a very good reason I keep him out of most of my posts. My husband now works in education with hundreds of teenagers (some of whom read my blog) and he is more comfy with me keeping most things private or else he will get teased or feel awkward and that's not what I want to bring to my husband's work life. People who know me both on this blog and beyond this blog (especially those reading for years), know that my connection to my husband is deep and romantic and crazy wild in love.

After years of writing a blog, I move through these oddities so much quicker than in the beginning. I am now moderating comments and deleting ones with negative, cruel energy as I want this space to always be a positive and safe space to land for all who come visit with kind intentions.

Okay, wiping hands of such things and moving onto dread goodies...

I wanted to post the most recent photo of my dreads taken last week at Squam by my frister Thea. I like how it is a close up and also shows what I am dealing with right now..."fly aways and fuzz!" At first I sort of freaked out about it. I was so used to the tightness of my dreads when they were first crocheted and I recall my dread stylist telling me "there will be a time when they begin to unravel and get fuzzy and it will be an adjustment period for you.". Most clients that live close to her make an appointment when the unraveling begins if they so desire (some really dig the fuzz right away and don't want it to be fixed). I don't have that luxury since she is all the way in Portland, an airplane ride away for me. So, I am currently planning a maintenance appointment sometime in November when another dear blog friend is getting her dreads. We thought it would be fun to coordinate these appointments and make a girl-fest out of it.

This maintenance appointment will consist of her tightening my roots (because they've grown out a bit) and crocheting in the long pieces of fly away hairs that have completely come out and working back in the fuzz wherever I want it tucked in. All done with none other than a crochet hook (no products).

That's the other thing...since I have crocheted dreads, I don't use wax products like other dread heads do that used products/backcombing in the very beginning to create their dreads. The products I use are only made of essential oils, water and aloe vera gel. This is just my personal preference. Some really love the other way of creating locks.

I started using Dr. Bronners Lavender Castille Soap but what I noticed was that it left behind some residue and I started getting little soap flakes on my scalp and dreads. It also made my scalp more itchy. Not very sexy... at. all. This may not happen to others as my dread stylist LOVED Dr. Bronners but it didn't work for me and the texture of my hair.

So, my husband ordered me some Dread Soap from Dread Head HQ and I love love love it. I notice that not only does it not leave behind residue but my dreads have felt tighter and cleaner.

To make my dreads feel soft and smelly good, I use the following essential oil sprays:

• Aura Cacia Aromatherapy Mist in Patchouli & Sweet Orange (got at Whole Foods)
• Knottyboy Peppermint Cooling Moisture Spray (for itchy scalp and dry dread relief)

My hubs also bought me Knottyboy Locksteady Dreadlock Tropical Tightening Gel. I have only used it on one dreadlock to test it and noticed a wee bit of a difference but wasn't sure about how my dread felt a bit hard rather than soft. I may have put too much on. It says to use a teeny bit.

And just for fun...must show you the basket hat Boho Boy bought me for my birthday. It fits my dreads so well. That was one thing I missed at Squam, was a hat for my head when it was freezing in our cabin at night (hat didn't arrive in time for my trip). It is the perfect hat to wear this Winter, dear dreadies. Here are a few more lovelies for your pretty heads as well.

This is where I have purchased some dread beads. Beads are so fun. I take them out when I shower but put them back on different dreads when I feel inspired. Some leave them in at all times. I like to change it up a bit. My husband bought some more gorgeous beads for me here.

For those of you that are just now coming to this space and wondering where I got my dreadlocks, I went to the Dread Goddess at Akemi Salon in Portland. I wrote about it here on my blog.

It warmed my heart when I was approached a few times at Squam by some lovelies that wanted to share with me they understood why I did what I did. They got that getting dreads for me was so much more than a change of hairstyle. That I had been associating my beauty with my long flowing hair and have been hiding behind it a bit. It was absolutely refreshing to walk around Squam and not care what my hair looked like or not spend time making it look lovely. I am hardly consumed with my hair now and I can put my energy towards heart things. It is also so many other things to me but I have already shared it all here before.

Well, I hope this helps. It has been fun getting in contact with dread lovelies all around the world and sharing the wisdom and emotions and the support. It is an interesting and unique process to go through and it so helps to not feel alone. That may sound dramatic but truly...having a bunch of knotty ropes on your head can really bring up some interesting stuff people! ; )

my dreads are my teacher.

my dreads, day 27, taken with phone up in my loft

Many of you dreadies-to-be have been writing and inquiring about how mine are doing and how I am fairing in the process. I thought I'd share it here since my free time is so limited these days. I no longer have that luxury of returning emails promptly. Oh how I wish I could sit for hours and reach out and connect with all of you. So, I am publicly apologizing for my flakiness. Know my heart is so there but my fingertips cannot be. ; )

The last few weeks I've been going through moments of panic as I see each individual dreadlock changing and forming into a personality all on their own. I remember when I first went to Stephanie I told her I wanted loose and flowy and free (which she was so happy about because that is her favorite and what she had for years). At first she did them really tight and perfect because she knew I couldn't just hop over to her for maintenance like most people do in a few weeks. She's all the way in Portland and I'm in Southern Cali and a plane ride and hotel room just aren't feasible right now for us. She told me I may not like them at first because they were so tightly wound. What's funny is that I got so used to them being this way that anytime a stray hair came out I felt afraid they would fall apart. I had dreams that they fell out completely after a night of inspecting each dread and noticing how many fly away straight hairs I had. I have heard the dreams are completely normal, btw...which makes me laugh.

What I love about the crochet method is that you don't have to put sticky product in your hair. I loved the idea of elle naturelle and just crocheting loose hairs back in with a crochet hook, training your hair to lock up by itself. The hard side of that is that my husband is still learning how to do it and feeling fumbly, so I am unable to do the maintenance as often as I'd like. Although I must say, it is super sexy to be sitting between his legs and feel his fingers in and out of my hair. Plus, how delicious is it to have your man doing something creative on you? Next stop: painting my body. ; )

Oops, I digress...(must be ovulating).

I suppose my concern is that once I get too many loose hairs and ultra fuzz, it will look so untamed that it appears messy and unkempt. What is ironic about this is that I wanted unkempt, untamed and loose, didn't I?

I remember looking at countless images of dreadlocks before starting this process and was always attracted to the half in-half out dreads. I never thought of them as messy in a bed head sense but just loose and flowy. Now that my hair is getting to that point, I am finding myself in a space of learning acceptance and letting go and embracing the change.

I talked to Stephanie last week on the phone and she so wisely said to me..."this is what this process is all about for you, not only about your dreads but this new journey you are on as a mother."

She is so right. How parallel is this for me? Longing for motherhood for so, so long I romanticized it a bit (borrowed the word romanticized from a friend that recently wrote me about this). I knew I deeply wanted it and it belonged to my heart to be a mother but all I thought about were the flowy perfect moments. The moments I witnessed between mothers and babies at a park or in a film. I had this vision in my head of what it would be.

Now that I am here and reveling in each moment with my precious, precious son, I am also feeling fumbly about the awkward parts. The fact that I am constantly exhausted and walking around with bags and dark circles and not feeling glowy (proof: see eyes in photo above) or with energy and time to do all else I'd love to do.

Like with my dreads, there is a push and pull of "Oh I love these! They suit me perfectly! These are so fun! Just what I wanted!" and "Oh this is scary! What if they fall out? What if they end up looking too messy? Am I sleeping on them wrong? You can see my grey hair in the fuzz!"

I love the parallels of conflict and I believe this is what drew me into doing my dreads at this time in my life. Motherhood and my dreadlocks are obviously my teacher right now, helping to guide me through the act of letting go, being gentle, having patience, not reacting, embracing change, reveling in messy, accepting that this dream is now an unkempt reality and no longer a perfect illusion.

I was with a friend this past weekend and something she said has lingered within my heart. She was talking about how a specific challenge in her life is her "teacher" and when I grasped that concept, I had a different perspective of the challenges I've been facing.

So with this one challenge of watching my dreadlocks turn into whatever they are supposed to be, I am looking at them now as my teacher for so many other areas in my life.

boho dread journey ~ dreadie day

stephanie & me, taken by amy

the dread goddess, canon 50d

The night before the transformation I took a very long shower. I saturated my hair with conditioner and continuously combed it smooth. Over and over and over. My eyes were closed and rather than a feeling of sadness that I may never be able to run a comb through my hair again, a slight smile played itself on my lips. I felt a bit rebellious. People with my type of hair don't typically ruin their hair like this! The one thing on my body that I have consistently felt was truly lovely, I knew in a few hours would be a huge forest of crocheted knots dangling from my scalp. I wasn't afraid. It felt like the next step in accepting me as me...and detaching myself from needing to have soft, flowy hair to be beautiful. That I have always focused more on the inner and this was part of helping to guide me on that path. I felt ready to say goodbye to my soft hair...but I did thoroughly enjoy that shower!

I had to blow dry my hair, which I never do anymore, because it needed to be perfectly dry for the next day. So, it was another ritual of brushing through it over and over. I took my time. Boho Boy and Cedar were asleep in our hotel room. Nothing else was interrupting this little ceremony of sorts.

Later I slipped into bed and Boho Boy snuggled up to me. He held me close and gave a big sigh...while running his fingers through my hair. He did this for a long while. I looked up at him and asked if he was going to miss being able to do this. His response was "I'd miss other things more...". Beautiful answer. I know what he means.

The next morning we were all excited. Cedar sensed something was going on, so he was a bit cautious with the whole thing. I think you can see it in his face throughout the photos. I didn't linger in front of the mirror and play with my hair before heading out. I glanced at myself quickly. I already felt the transformation and no longer felt connected to that reflection.

I meant to bring my flip camera to record my steps up to the salon and then interview Stephanie, the Dread Goddess that would be creating magic with my hair. But I forgot it, out of excited nerves I suppose. So yes, I just gave the place away, didn't I? Stephanie was my dread stylist and she works at Akemi Salon in Portland, Oregon!!!!

I discovered her via a private message sent to my Etsy shop months ago. A dear blog reader that thought I may want to know of Stephanie. I felt safe knowing Stephanie was a believer of the crochet method, which is the method that my friend Em had done in Thailand. What I love about this method is no products are used. Just a comb and a crochet hook and a patient and creative and magical hand. I also love how with this method, you get the look you want much more quickly than other methods. Most dreads take up to a year or more to look the way you dream but with this method, it can be as short as a month.

I had emailed Stephanie and told her a bit of my story and what all of this means to me. I had no idea how she would respond. If she would think I am this silly emotional girl from California and oh my goodness, this is just hair! But a week later I got the most amazing response. She had read a bit of my blog and learned more of my story and resonated with me on many levels. Our connection via email felt instant. Then the first time we spoke on the phone, we were both nervous and giddy and I loved that she fully understood what type of dreadlocks I was imagining on my head. Something loose and flowy and imperfect. She got me. She always had the same knotty locks on her head as well.

I wasn't sure what to expect when meeting her in person because the photos on her website are not her. Her friend designed that site and since she didn't have a shot of herself, used models that resembled her. When she told me this, it left a bit of mystery. I loved that.

When we first walked into her salon, we were already enamored. The space surrounding their shop was very funky and exuded a whole mind, body and soul appeal. Their salon was right next door to a cool yoga studio already in session. When we first walked through the doors I already felt I was at home. Two sweet vintage sofas and eclectic art on the wall. Yes! It was just her in this space...the other stylists/customers hadn't arrived yet. When she turned around to say hello, it was instant girl crush time. We both lit up and hugged and I was a goner. She was stunningly beautiful (see photo above) with a unique style and a warm voice and a glow about her. I felt soothed and safe immediately. She instantly felt sweet on Cedar and later told me she typically doesn't feel that way about babies (except for her own).

After Boho Boy and Boho Baby left the salon, it was just her and I and in detail we talked about how we envisioned my hair. Even though she kept asking me what I wanted, I continued to say that I trusted her artistic vision of what she feels would go with my face. I truly did trust her. All artists love to hear this, right? "I trust your vision!" I love hearing this with my photography and she loved hearing this about her precious dreadlock talent.

So, she decided to do various dread sizes throughout (mostly randomly placed small and medium dreads and two big ones in the back underneath to use as ponytail ties to wrap around the hair). She left a lot of hair on the ends so that it will eventually curl and flow after washing. She tucked in a surprise dread braid on one side of my hair (three teeny dreads braided together). In the end, we decided to leave bang wisps loose so that I could leave a bit of the romance of my hair and if I decide to dread them later, I can. So I have some soft hair in the front pieces.

One by one, she pulled up parts of my hair with clips and with each loose piece, she backcombed and then used a crochet hook to crochet strands of hairs back and forth creating knots along the way. The constant tugging felt a bit rough on my scalp but other than that, I was too distracted and excited to feel it.

We were lost in conversation most of the time and after she had done a few dreads, my dear friend Amy Seeley walked in. To see her smiling face and feel her warm embrace felt so comforting. I was missing Boho Boy and Cedar. I wanted to share this experience with someone I knew and loved and Amy was so very needed. Her and Stephanie connected as well and in between all of us talking of romantic love and dreams and desires, Amy grabbed my camera to capture some of the process. Most of the photos you see without her in it are taken by her.

So, the whole experience was just so surreal and beautiful. As I was getting my dreads, I was able to share some of my story and where I was at right now as far as acceptance and self love. Amy was sharing some beautiful personal bits of her life and Stephanie too spilled about her relationship and her stellar connection to her daughter. It was a big mushy love fest.

Then enters Boho Boy and Cedar after 3.5 hours of me at the salon. My hair was nearly done and I felt a huge sense of lightness of being. I nearly cried when I saw Cedar hanging on the chest of my husband in a Bjorn. The first time Cedar locked eyes with Amy he squealed in delight and moved his arms up and down like a birdie. We all laughed. I knew he would know who she was since we listen to her music together all of the time. He wanted to be held by her and her alone. So, the remainder of my time there, the three of them (amy, boho boy and cedar) went to grab lunch and bring it back and hang out on the vintage couches, eating, sharing, laughing and observing the finishing touches.

My heart was swelling huge. I felt like the most blessed person. I felt loved and adored and I felt grateful for this all in my life. I felt honored to be surrounded by such amazing human beings...including my son, who seems to heal hearts just by his look and his touch. Everyone falls in love with him and as a mother, it is so fun to observe. But his connection with Amy was other worldly and continued to be so over the next few days.

So, as far as maintenance, I never have to use wax or products to keep it all together. So, when the fly aways begin to unravel, a crochet hook is used to put them back in place. Stephanie sent me home with a crochet hook and showed Boho Boy how to crochet the pieces in (since I am unable to fly to Portland and see her for maintenance). There is a photo of her teaching him with a fake piece of hair on her lap in the slide show I share at the end of this post. How sexy is it that my husband is doing maintenance on my hair. YUM. He did such a wonderful job when she asked him to try it on the long piece of wig. She was so impressed with how well he picked it up. Love my man!

When all was done I was geeked about my hair. It looked so much better than I had imagined because I know at first it is supposed to be a bit awkward and it needs time to relax and flow. But if I tie it back, I am quite pleased. Stephanie said it should relax after the first time I wash it, which will be a week from the day I got them. Right now they feel a bit rough, scratchy and wiry. They stick out in weird places and don't have much of a flow but after washing they should soften a lot and in about a month, should be about how I envisioned them.

I only need to wash my hair once per week, although some only wash once a month. I am supposed to use Dr. Bronners Organic Castille soap. I think I'll stick with the Lavender one I already have. I ordered a DVD from DreadHead which goes into detail about how to wash your hair.

Following an almost teary goodbye with Stephanie, we went to Amy's adorable cottage and she played a few songs for us in her bedroom. We were all simply amazed at Cedar's attention to her playing. He obviously recognized the songs and his eyes were glued to the piano and Amy's hands and a smile wouldn't leave his face. I was moved and teary and blown away. Amy then proceeded to teach Cedar how to play while on her lap at the piano. SO cute, so fun. Being with Amy was truly magical for all of us. We instantly felt she was part of our family. I love it when my husband connects equally to my friends the way I do. We had so many delicious conversations over Thai food the next night on our hotel veranda with the moon rising above. I will never forget these precious days.

The night of my first dread day, my scalp was itching badly. It felt very similar to the feeling when your long hair is in a tight ponytail all day and you take it out and it hurts to pat your hair down and then your scalp itches from the irritation. Similar to that but times ten. So, Stephanie told us to rub a mixture of tea tree oil and water on my scalp. Boho Boy did this for me very gently and I felt relief immediately but especially the next day...the itch has been gone until last night. So, it is just something I may have to continue to do until my scalp gets used to the weight and pull of them.

So my dears, that is my story. If I haven't answered any questions, do ask me in the comments and I will respond in the comments. This post is already long enough and I may have put most of you to sleep!!

I look forward to share with you via photos the transformation from hard scratchy dreads to soft, flowy, messy ones. ; )

Here is the slide show. Turn speakers on, please. Photos without Amy in it are all taken by Amy with my camera. The remaining are taken by me or Boho Boy (via phone or Canon 50d). Photo processing by me.

Song playing during slide show is I've Got Ideas by Amy Seeley.

{stephanie has a wonderful dread maintenance section on her site here, as well as a weekly explanation of dread maturity here.}

my new dear dreads {sneak peek} ~ updated!

taken yesterday late afternoon with phone

Yesterday was one of the most magical days of my life.
I love my new dear dreads. They are so much part of me already.
Story and proper photos to come soon.
Off to visit Cedar's birth parents for the first time since he was born.
Another magical, emotional, surreal, moving day to be had.
Joyful tears spill.

{written from hotel room, overlooking lake, with the soft morning sun shining on my new locks}

xoxo

updated photos:


day two...during drive to see birth parents, taken with phone

We are all giddy about your lovins and support...so fun to read while snuggled up in our hotel room last night. Boho Boy put a tea tree oil and water solution on my roots and rubbed rubbed rubbed my scalp to take away the itchies I have from the weight of my new dreads (similar feeling to having a tight pony tail in hair all day and taking it out then feeling itchies and ouchies but more intense).

Just wanted to share a few shots I took while sitting in the back of the car with Cedar, on the way to visit birth parents. My poor family and friends are getting a gazillion picture messages from me all day via my phone. They are saturated with my new do. I wanted to share a few with you.

What I am loving most so far during this awkward transition before I get to wash and soften the dreads is that I no longer need hair ties. I can wrap my hair around itself...and it is SO low maintenance! Perfect for me.

I so look forward to sharing the details of the last few days with you. First I'll post about my dread day and then I'll post about our visit with K & T...Cedar's birth parents. Just a wonderfully awesome day.

In my dread post, I will answer your questions...where I went, my dread stylist extraordinaire, the creative spin she put on my hair, how they feel physically and emotionally and what the maintenance process will be. I also just have a lot of gushy sweet emotions to share about a visit with a dear friend that lives in town who shared this tender and life altering experience with us.

Good times.

out of hiding and dressing up.

polaroid by deb

I have been a little fireball of energy today. It feels so good. Not the energy that would make me want to run tons of miles (i wish i loved to run. at one time I convinced myself i loved it when i lived in Berkeley and was in awesome yoga shape but in reality, i couldn't do it without music blaring to distract me from not liking it very much). The energy I feel today is more from joy and acceptance and a feeling of freedom within my body.

I am packing for my trip right now. We leave tomorrow morning. I heard that it is extremely hot there and to wear nothing but barely nothing. Since I posted my vlog the other day, the one where I am being extremely vulnerable and brave...sitting there on my floor showing all of you one of the most insecure parts of me; my arms. I have felt empowered and a bit more daring with the part of my wardrobe that I have hidden in the back (strappy light cotton summer dresses...smushed far far behind layers and layers of clothing).

I know we all have those parts of us that we are critical about. We all try to overcome them and see ourselves as our loved ones see us. One of those parts of me is my arms. I have never had thin arms. Well, I take that back. I did for a few months in my life...and that was after my boyfriend of five years and I broke up and I moved to Berkeley and couldn't bring myself to eat out of shock and I went from a size 6/8 to a size 2. I never noticed how thin I got because I was stumbling in a transition that was unexpected and trying to find my footing and I didn't have time to look at myself. It wasn't until my best childhood friend Amy came over and gasped and made me a huge plate of scrambled eggs and forced me to eat it (with gourmet love) and after a few bites, I realized I was STARVING and remembered I love food and I haven't stopped eating since. ; ) All the way up to a size 10/12. Woo hoo I love food!

Anyways, I digress. So, I have been hiding my arms a bit. Well, A LOT. So, today, while listening to Kate Havnevick on Pandora and Cedar was soundly sleeping down below, I pulled every. single. strappy. dress. out. And you know what? I had a blast!! I had forgotten how many unique and lovely dresses I have collected over the years with hopes that I would someday be brave enough to wear them.

So here I was, trying on dress after dress and viewing my whole curvy body in the one and only full length mirror we have that we cart around our house and lay against the wall wherever we are. I actually twirled and danced and said out loud...I LOVE YOU MY FORSAKEN ARMS!

Its happening folks. I am letting go. Letting go of needing to be a certain way in order to feel good in my skin. I am going to choose to be that full figured petite woman that shows her skin and embraces the goddess bits. And if through this new way of eating and taking care of myself, I lose weight, then I will love myself just the same and know my intentions are pure. Because I want to put my energy towards it not being about weight or size but about FEELING good and sexy and wanton and...well, like me. I just need to make that choice. For me. For my son. For my husband. For those that love me and have been longing for me to be more gentle and forgiving and embracing of my new fuller self.

So, I have packed only strappy dresses and nothing else. A few light and airy cover-ups if needed...but this is so exciting! Dear world...I have fuller arms and fuller bosoms and that is brilliant.

Some of you that are new to this space might be thinking how trivial this is or perhaps how vain. That there are so many more things I could put my energy into or how could I think about my arms when there are people struggling with so much worse across our precious globe. These thoughts enter my mind as well. Daily...perhaps throughout the day. And I remind myself that this isn't an issue of beauty but an issue of me overcoming those messy and hard parts that came from my (in)fertility journey. Parts that I am working on releasing and transforming into a grand purpose in my life and the life of others that have gone through what we have. That purpose is becoming more clear and this is a piece of that puzzle for me.

We are off tomorrow and I promise to document some of my appointment. My husband and I are so giddy about my dreads! I have never been so thrilled about a new hair-do. Perhaps because it represents so much more than a new, fresh style. More on that as it unfolds...

la la lisa bonet yum...

lisa bonet

My friend Letha just sent me this photo. Had to share. Its SO delicious. Little bits of inspiration before my hugely anticipated dreadlock day just around the corner.

boho dread journey vlog ~ part one

I know I am being so sentimental...but I thought it would be fun to document the journey with more than just photos.

Almost one more week until my appointment!

I had a third segment to the video above. One of me with my new highlights...but I accidentally deleted it. Lisa just added copper, blonde and red highlights so that when my dreads are crocheted, all the colors will come through.

After my appointment, Lisa began to get really excited about experimenting once I have them...but when I first recorded her, she was nervous about it (and it shows). She's a dollie...I love her.